Isa 55:8-9"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
At the end of September I found out that I was pregnant with baby #6! Holy moly was I shocked!! Jason and I were not planning on another baby...right now...but evidently the LORD had different plans. Now after 5 pregnancies, I know how I should be feeling, how I should be hungering and how I should be sleeping :) All of these things were out of whack! I just wasn't feeling right about this pregnancy. Mind you it took me 4 weeks to be OK with it, and OK with the LORD having blessed me with another awesome child!!! I was fighting with the LORD on whether or not He knew better than I did...well we all know the answer to that! But in my flesh, I was fighting!
On Oct 30 I was 8weeks along. I was still not sick, not even feeling "pregnant" actually. Which is bizarre because at 6wks, I am down for the count until week 12! In any case, Halloween night at around 11p I just couldn't sleep. I could feel the LORD nudging me to just get up and spend time with HIM. So reluctantly I got up and picked up my Bible and went to my closet (it is the quietest place and most warm at 11p). The Lord took me to Psalm 145:17-20 "The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call in him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." He also too me to Psalm 37:3a, 4, 5a,7a. "Trust in the LORD and do good, Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart, commit your way to the LORD, Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for HIM." For 45 min I sat and just read these over and over. HE had given me HIS peace. I was finally happy and excited to be carrying another reward from the LORD.
Tues Nov 1, I had my first dr. appt. I was praying the entire morning before, because even though I had peace about being pregnant...I wasn't feeling like all was okay. As I sat (butt naked by the way) waiting for the dr, I had a sense of HIM being there with me...and as the dr. proceeded to do the ultrasound I had a sinking feeling. I was watching the screen and before the dr said a word...I knew. There wasn't a heartbeat. The US showed me to be 6wks not 8 and that could be the reason for no visible HB. He told me to come back in a week and we would check it out again. That was the LONGEST 7 days of my life. I have never been in closer communion with my Savior as I was those 7 days. John 14:27"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid." Is where He had me next. What an amazing GOD I serve. What an amazing LORD who LOVES me! Psalm 146:1-2 "Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, O my soul. I will praise the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my GOD as long as I live." I could do nothing but praise and worship HIM in all of HIS splendor and Glory!!
The morning of Nov 7 came, awful slowly! As I was waiting to be seen the LORD had me in Psalm 25:4-5. "Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me for you are God and my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Again HIS peace was surrounding me and comforting me like never before!! As I sat on the table, (this time half naked, haha), I actually had a smile on my face. I was singing praise in my heart and my soul was rejoicing in the LORD!! The US showed what I already knew to be true...my baby was already with the LORD. His/Her soul had gone on weeks before and was already snuggling in the arms of my JESUS.
Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." This is where the LORD has me now. As I sit and write this I am cramping and waiting for this to "pass". I know that my baby is with the LORD.
I am so much more in love with the LORD and so much more at peace with what HE has in store for me. Will we have more children...only the LORD knows. My life is 100% in HIS hands. And I am at such peace with that. HE is good, all the time. I love HIM and I know that HE loves me, that is why HE brought me through all of this...
Thank you for reading my story...thank you for your prayers...they are coveted and so much needed!! I love you all :)
2 comments:
Praise the Lord for your testimony. We have been praying for you for the last week, when we found out that you were pregnant. After reading your testimony, I feel so blessed to have you and your family as part of our family. When I started reading your blog I felt very sad; but when I finished, I had nothing but peace, knowing that you and Jason have peace. Praise the Lord, We will continue to pray for you.
Thank you so much Uncle Merle. Today is better than yesterday and I anticipate tomorrow to be more of the same! Romans 8:28 has never been more real and truthful to me than it is now. So often I blurt it out to people and forget how true and real it is. GOD works ALL things for good. Because HE is good all the time.
Tell Linda I said hello, and we love you guys so much!!!
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